Missyisms

The Ughs

I decided to rant about all the irritating things of my recent past. I recommend all readers skip this post. It's mainly here for posterity for me to re-read in the future for stupid reasons. I think everyone else should simply pretend it isn't here. I could spend more time on the post and make it a hysterical rant, but that's more energy into the blah of it all...too much time already wasted. So skip on by...don't linger here. You've been warned. I hid it behind the extended entry.

Little Hotel Soaps

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read. It's supposedly true, but I've never researched it. Whether it's true or not...it is hysterical. (I should put it in the extended entry, but it deserves front-page attention.)

 

Those Little Hotel Soaps

Below is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.

 

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Dear Maid,

 

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

 

Thank you,

S. Berman

 

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Dear Room 635,

 

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instruction from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.    

 

Kathy, Relief Maid

 

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Dear Maid,

 

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.

Please remove them.

 

S. Berman    

 

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Dear Mr. Berman,

 

My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed to do by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet; for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.

 

Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

 

Your regular maid,    

Dotty

 

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Dear Mr. Berman, 

 

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints, please contact  me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.   

 

Thank you,

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper    

 

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Dear Miss Carmen,

 

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?  

 

S. Berman    

 

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Dear Mr. Berman,

 

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.

 

Thank you,    

Elaine, Carmen, Housekeeper

 

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Dear Mr. Kensedder,

 

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.    

 

S. Berman

 

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Dear Mr. Berman,

 

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

 

Martin L. Kenseder, Assistant Manager   

 

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Dear Mrs. Carmen,   

 

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

 

S. Berman    

 

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Dear Mr. Berman,

 

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

 

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper   

 

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Dear Mrs. Camen,

 

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

• on shelf under medicine cabinet, 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
• on Kleenex dispenser, 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
• on bedroom dresser, 1 stack of 3 Cashmere bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
• inside medicine cabinet, 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
• in shower soap dish, 6 Camay, very moist.
• on northeast corner of tub, 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
• on northwest corner of tub, 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

 

S. Berman

Ugh! Update

So here it is...the update you've all been waiting for! Drum roll please...

Armed with the evidence that his Internet connection was dropping every 23 seconds, my father called his DSL provider (AGAIN) Thursday morning. This time he didn't get somebody half-way around the world with an accent that only somebody else half-way around the world could understand. Instead, he got a Texan and since Dad is a Texan they understood each other perfectly. I wasn't in on this conversation, so all I know is that the provider promised to send a tech person to the house the same day. First they called back and said they'd found the problem and a crew would work on it outside the house. Then a bit later another call came through--this time a recorded voice--saying they thought they'd found the problem. Notice the backward slip there--from "found" to "thought they'd found."  Consider this foreshadowing. Another call came at 4:30 asking if the crew had arrived yet. Uh...no! And what a confidence boost...they'd lost their own crew!

Friday morning a tech guy got to the house. (Love that same day service, only 24 hours later.) Tech guy checked things outside and then came inside. He acknowledged he saw the error flash on my father's computer and then hooked up his own laptop to Dad's modem. He apparently hung around a while, but the problem never occured on his computer. Tech dude called somebody and they decided that there was something wrong with the Ethernet in Dad's computer. Hello! My father had already told the dude we'd put a different Ethernet port in and it didn't help. Dude said to call the computer manufacturer and left. No solution. Problem exactly the same. I think my father had decided at this point that talking to the computer manufacturer was the lesser of two evils, so he didn't argue.

When Dad called and told me I was steamed! I mean really, really ticked. I finished the work I was doing...because unlike certain DSL providers, I'm a professional...I made sure my co-workers wouldn't need my assistance if I stepped away to help my father. In my drawer full of cables and other computer gadgets, I dug out a USB to Ethernet adapter and an Ethernet cable, I tested them on my system to make sure they worked, and then I drove back to my parents. Since we'd already tried a new Ethernet port, I re-cycled the modem, tried the new Ethernet cable, and the USB to Ethernet adapter--guess what? No difference. I tried to download their troubleshooting software, but...without a solid connection, that was impossible. Again, to me this meant the problem was not with the hardware of my father's computer, unless it was a total disaster and was the motherboard, but nothing else was malfunctioning! And since the techs insisted it wasn't the line and they had not checked the computer's settings...that left the settings as the biggest possibility.

This time I called and talked with tech. Rachel tested the line, had me check the settings in Internet Explorer, ran a few other tests, insisted it was a problem with the computer. I was very polite, particularly considering we'd been on the phone over 30 minutes, but insisted we needed to check more settings. While she was explaining to me why that wasn't the issue, it was the computer hardware, I found and started reading the LAN settings to her. She said they were all correct, but she would try testing one more thing and put me on hold. When she came back she asked me to verify one setting...ah, she said, sorry, that is wrong. Then she took me into the modem's settings and then back to the LAN settings and we finally made some changes.

Surprise, surprise...now it works! All these hours of frustration and all it came down to some LAN settings that they should have been checked in the first place! If we were still in a Windows 98 world, this would have been fixed on the first call because they wouldn't have relied on some wizard to set up everything. Very, very frustrating! And to boot, even though everything is working now, his access speed is really slow. I'm going to try and have a few other people that have the same service run the same speed test to see what they get.

But the good news...his Internet connection is now working, so he can now surf the web and see his emails. Yay.

P.S. Well, well, well. A columnist for the Chicago Tribune wrote today about the conclusion of his three week battle with a DSL provider. Interestingly, he got faster service after naming the provider in his first article about his problem a few weeks ago. You'll notice I never mentioned my father's service provider, maybe we would have gotten if I had!

Ugh!

This has not been the best of evenings. It started at a wake...yes, another family friend has passed away and tonight I attended the wake. My thoughts and prayers are with RS's widow, son, daughter, in-laws, and grand-children. God bless you all.

After the wake I went over to my parent's house to once again try and fix my father's Internet connection. He's been having connection problems for some time, starting with very slow access speed. He finally talked to his DSL service provider and they said he'd have to buy a new modem. At the monthly price they charge him, I urged him to call customer service or billing to find out if he really had to purchase a new modem. Nope...customer service told him to call back tech support and they sent him a new one. Great, but even with the new modem he's still having problems. Every time I look at his computer a message pops up really fast off the task bar--too fast to fully read it, but it says something about connection. Last weekend Dad's email stopped working and I spent time trying to get it working. Eudora wouldn't work so we tried Outlook, which would start to download mail but die after a few messages. The Outlook error message said, "Your server has unexpectedly terminated the connection...." Since the modem was new and the service provider insisted the connection was fine, I decided the Ethernet port was bad.

So that brings us to tonight...after the wake I installed a new Ethernet port. No help. Message still popping up from Task bar and Outlook still displaying the same error message. It finally occurred to me to do a screen capture to try and grab the message...bingo! I got it! It says:

Local Area Connection: This connection has limited or no connectivity. You might not be able to access the Internet or some network resources. For more information, click this message.

BUT the message flashed so fast I couldn't click on it! I finally caught it and it took me to the Local Area Connection Status window, which said the connection was fine. Even so, I clicked on Repair. No help. I went into the Network Connection Details and all the fields had what looked like good numbers. But then I noticed that every time the message popped up from the Task bar, the network connections settings blanked out! So I started timing it: every 23 seconds the Internet connection completely dropped for a millisecond! I even got screen prints to prove that the connection was lost!

So...now...my father gets to call his provider AGAIN...but this time we have more solid evidence of an issue. Now to me, and I confess I could be wrong, this sounds like a hardware issue, not a software or computer setting. In fact, since it's DSL, I think it's a line issue. Any thoughts? (Anyone still reading this blather?) I should probably go back to my parent's tomorrow evening or over the weekend and call for my father...I can type faster if they want to play with settings and I think I'm more ready to chew them out! This is ridiculous! I wish he had cable broadband, like I do; I know it better and they seem more willing to come out and fix things. Any thoughts? Suggestions? We haven't replaced the Ethernet cable, but other than that, I think the provider is the issue!

But wait...that wasn't the end of this UGH evening...I got home and discovered the furnace wasn't able to start. It was trying to start, but couldn't get the cycle started and then went in to 3-hour lockout. Down to the utility room I went and, yep, the furnace was flashing an error message. Out to the garage I went to grab my socket wrench so I could take apart one section of the furnace to get to the flame sensor, which I was hoping had oxidized. This has happened twice before and the first time I paid $60 for a repair man to come out fix it and, very sweetly, explain to me what the problem was and how to fix it. What he didn't do was give me tools that could easily reach the screws so I could do the fix in five minutes. I spent twenty minutes or more getting the screws and pieces out, cleaning them, sanding the flame sensor to remove the oxidization build up, and then another ten minutes putting it all back together. The good news is...the furnace now seems happy and is running.

But this was not a fun or pleasant evening. Let's not even postulate what else could possible go wrong this evening! (Forgive me, but I don't think I'll even bother to proof this entry. It's just going up and I'm going to soak my head in a bucket of seltzer water--whatever that is!!!!!!!)

P.S. I forgot...as I was putting the tools away after fixing the furnace, I spent a few minute tightening the driver's side sun visor in my car. More exciting thrills for the evening. Please do not bring over any small appliance for repairs...1. I can't fix 'em, 2. I'm likely to stomp on 'em!

Mother of the Year?

You've probably heard by now...seems impossible to miss thanks to the media...that Bradgelina had a baby. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been hiding out in Africa to avoid the media and have the baby there. A few days after the baby's birth Bradgelina donated $300,000 to Namibia hospitals and $15,000 to local schools (I think I have that right). A nice gesture on their part.

But last night CNN ran a poll to see if Angelina should be named "Mother of the Year." What?!?!?! Because she hid from the media and then donated $315,000? CNN thinks that's what makes a good mother? No wonder CNN is screwed up and sinking  in the ratings like a caught dead-beat parent!

Note to CNN: Where one has a baby and no matter how much or how little one donates...does NOT a mother make! Let's select good mothers based on their love, nurturing, caring, guiding, etc., of their children. Not their outwardly (possibly self-centered, attention grabbing) behavior!

And, while we're talking, $315,000 to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is chump change! Please, they probably make more than that for one sneeze in just one movie at their rates! I'd be better impressed if they'd made a donation more worthy of their incomes. And how much did they pay the American doctor they flew down to Namibia just for the birth? Probably a similar amount; ugh.

Mother of the year? Ha!!!!

It's a Word, Not a Phrase!

As part of my job I proofread stuff. Now I'm a decent, but not fabulous, proofer. I'm decent because I'm detail-oriented, but not fabulous because I don't know the rules of grammar as well as I should. I know them pretty well, but not to the level a professional proofreader or copyeditor should. So I'd never want to be a full-time proofer and would never market my skills as a professional proofreader, but I don't mind chipping in occasionally--particularly when I know I can fix several issues.

Lately, not just in my current work proofing, but in other readings, I've been seeing: "can not."

Listen up everyone out there that thinks that is proper, it isn't! It's a WORD, people, not a phrase! It's "cannot," not "can not!" A word; not a phrase.

Conversely, "a lot" is a phrase, not a word. It's "a lot," not "alot." (Don't you just love English!)

Oh! Another thing, "and" and "but" are NOT interchangeable! Hello! Just because they are both conjunctions, doesn't mean they are equal! Ugh.

Sigh, a disclaimer: I know there are a lot of English speaking countries floating about and they might have different grammatical rules (for quotes about this, see previous blog), but the above rules are correct for U.S. English!

Whew. Just had to rant! Don't even get me started on the differences between em-dashes, en-dashes, and hyphens. Or that whole attempt to change the rules about punctuation inside quotation marks! (Now, the funny thing is that there are probably other grammatical mistakes in this blog!)

You WILL Watch Commercials!

Did your hear that Philips, a.k.a., Royal Philips Electronics of the Netherlands, has filed for a patent on technology that will force televisions viewers to watch commercials! You can read about it here, but in summary, the technology will allow broadcasters to freeze a channel while a commercial is playing! Apparently Philips knew this probably wouldn't be popular with viewers--you think?!--so they suggested in their patent application "that consumers be allowed to avoid the feature if they paid broadcasters a fee." HELLO?

Excuse me but I consider it my RIGHT to decide which, if any, commercials I watch. It's the right of the individual companies to decide whether they buy commercial air time. It's their right, within limits, to decide what to do with their air time. But it is my right to decide what to watch--whether we're talking commercials or TV shows. I choose; not them!

And if this goes through, what's next? Think about it! Will TVs of the future come with force fields? Broadcasters could activate the force field during commercials so viewers can't leave the room for the bathroom, a snack, a phone call, or a breath of air! Couch potatoes become couch prisoners.

And what about other advertising venues?

• Will cars of the future pick up a signal from highway billboards and project the image onto the windshield forcing the driver to look at it? (Safety is of no concern remember, we're talking advertising!)
• Will Internet pages load ads one at at time followed by multiple-choice questions making sure the ad was read before the content of the page displays?
• Will movie theaters show even more commercials and then refuse to start the movie until a predetermined percentage of viewers buy an advertised product?
• Will newspapers use special ink that will transfer the ads to the clothing of the reader? Personals takes on a whole new meaning, hmm?

Even if Philips backs off this idea, they've planted the seed by showing (apparently) that it can be done. Thanks a lot! I for one won't be purchasing any Philips products; who knows what other sneaky technologies they've included!

Re-re-re-re-re

Somebody out there is just not listening! And I think that's rude. Plain and simple rude!

Did I not already blog about the annoyances of upgrades and re-releases? Yes, I did! Here's the link. And allow me to quote myself:

"But that isn't enough. Upgrading products to get my money is one annoyance, but there's also the re-releases. Point in case, Amazon.com sent me an email announcing the release of several Hitchcock movies on DVD. They don't bother to mention that these are re-releases. I already own two of the movies, but I can't tell from Amazon's description if the new DVD has new features. I don't really want to purchase the movie again...but what if there is something really tempting and interesting on the new version? Argh. Here's the listing for the new DVD of Shadow of a Doubt and here's the version I have. I don't even want to compare the two. I don't want to know if there's something wonderful on the re-release--because I'm tired of upgrades and re-releases!!!!"

SO...what did I read in the Chicago Tribune today? You got it! Another re-release! Fourteen Alfred Hitchcock movies in a velvet lined, yes--velvet lined, boxed set! Not just any boxed set, noooooo..."The Alfred Hitchcock Masterpiece Collection." Masterpiece, hmm. Now, I don't care nada about velvet-lined boxes (good grief), but listen to the extras in this set: "an interview with the master himself and gobs of bonuses including deleted scenes, alternate endings, documentaries and a 36-page booklet." Alternate endings! Alternate endings! I want this set!!!! And the Tribune just has to add: "this is likely to be the best "Hitchbox" around for years." (Yeah, or until another re-release is released!)

Well, gee golly! Why did I bother to buy DVDs of Hitchcock movies in the past? Sure they're loaded with extras. Sure they were billed as the "best of the best." But apparently that wasn't good enough! No...not when re-releases are an option for production studios! And what do they want from us this time? $119.98. Or a cheap $95.99 on Amazon.com. (Pssst, it's a little cheaper on here.)

So not only is it a re-release. Not only is it loaded with new and cool extras. Not only is it expensive. But it's a velvet-lined box set of fourteen movies. I don't want all of the fourteen movies in this set! As much as I love Hitchcock movies, I really don't want to pay a lot for a DVD of The Trouble with Harry, Frenzy, Family Plot, or Topaz--they're not my faves. But I do love Rear Window and The Man Who Knew Too Much (Stewart/Day version).

And that quote of mine up there? Yeah, this re-release also has yet another version of Shadow of a Doubt. I guess this is really a re-re-release. Ugh. I'm just tired re-re-thinking about it!

Upgrades and Re-Releases

If you've talked to me much in the past few years, you know that I'm really, really, really sick of upgrading things. Cell phones, desktops, PDAs, laptops, videotapes to DVDs, software, cars, homes, digital cameras, televisions, stereo equipment, monitors, etc. I'm sick of it. And most of the time, the upgrades are for "niceties." A few extra features in software, more mega-pixels in a digital camera, the latest surround sound, etc. I wouldn't mind upgrading for really good things--like a self-cleaning home!

And soon, we in the U.S. will have to upgrade all our televisions and cable-TV service to high definition--why, not because we want to--but because the lobbyists won in Congress. So we'll be spending lots more money for a few more lines on the telly. AND to add to that fun, the DVD makers want us to move to high definition DVDs, but they can't agree on a format! So, eventually all the movies we currently own on DVD will probably have to be upgraded to HD DVDs. Argh!

But that isn't enough. Upgrading products to get my money is one annoyance, but there's also the re-releases. Point in case, Amazon.com sent me an email announcing the release of several Hitchcock movies on DVD. They don't bother to mention that these are re-releases. I already own two of the movies, but I can't tell from Amazon's description if the new DVD has new features. I don't really want to purchase the movie again...but what if there is something really tempting and interesting on the new version? Argh. Here's the listing for the new DVD of Shadow of a Doubt and here's the version I have. I don't even want to compare the two. I don't want to know if there's something wonderful on the re-release--because I'm tired of upgrades and re-releases!!!!

I'm sick of it; sick of it. Sick, sick, sick of it! Stop the insanity! (Sigh, just had to get that off the chest; at least, until something else starts me off again! ;-)

Oh Well. Sigh.

I had a lovely, sarcastic, poetic, sweetly, ranting blog for this evening...

...then I found out I was wrong. I had to delete the blog before I could even post. It was all about hot dog buns and the postal service, but...poof...it's gone. I admit defeat.

And what am I left with? A night that winter returned to Chicago-land...another dangerous drive through a blizzard...snow blanketing my suddenly cold world...and a Miniature Schnauzer who is so short he's outside using his head like a bulldozer to get through the snow. Sigh. Tomorrow I'll not only shovel the driveway, but venture into the backyard to stomp out tunnels for the pooch.

Now, wouldn't you have rather heard about hot dog buns and the postal service? I would have.